Saltine Toffee

Saltine Toffee

Somehow I got roped into making a dessert for our kid’s school’s “dessert dash” for their fundraising auction. I guess when you’re married to a PTA member, you’re unwittingly agreeing to these things, but I digress. Since I’m lazy I made Saltine Toffee.

  • 2 sticks of butter
  • 2 cups of dark brown sugar
  • 1 sleeve of saltines
  • Chocolate chips

Melt the butter and sugar together over low heat until it’s boiling, and let it for a few minutes. While you’re waiting (and stirring it), grease up a sheet pan (stir the butter and sugar) and cover the bottom with foil (don’t forget to stir the butter and sugar) and then grease the foil (are you still stirring?) and then lay out the saltines in a single layer as close together as you can get them (oh my god are you stirring?!). When the butter and sugar have boiled for a bit (I dunno, 6 minutes? It’ll be bubbly and stuff), pour it over the saltines and try to spread it out into a thin even layer. You know you can do it. Or not. Gravity really is your friend here, unlike all those other times. Throw on a bunch of chocolate chips and let them sit until they’re melty and then spread them on top into a layer. It ain’t gonna be fucking even so don’t worry about it. If the chocolate isn’t melting, throw on your broiler and put it under for like 30 seconds. DON’T FUCKING BURN THE CHOCOLATE. Let it cool and then put it in the fridge. Or just put it in the fridge. They’re not my groceries that’ll get ruined.

When it’s totally cool, break it apart. It’ll be ugly like a hairless cat, but like, its sugar, chocolate and butter.